Hey von Hottlettes!
I'm very excited to be the first female contributor to Zoomdoggle.com, a great new website devoted entirely to fun. Each week, my friends over at Zoomdoggle.com are going to feature a (never-before published) von Hottie picture of the week! I love Zoomdoggle - it's fun and smart, just like von Hottie!
You can view the first three pictures here!
Check Zoomdoggle every week (usually Thursdays) for the next von Hottie picture of the week. Be sure to leave a comment - I love to hear what my fans think.
Love and kisses,
von Hottie,
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
thinking outside the bridal box
Dear von Hottie,
Help I’m getting married! Fortunately, my husband-to-be is not the problem. The problem is the dress. I am not your typical self-obsessed bride who has been dreaming about a certain dress her whole life. We want a theatrical and very non-traditional wedding. So the last thing I want is some cupcake-like lacy, bedazzled frock. I have an appointment to look at dresses and a small entourage of women has volunteered to come with me. They have been sending me pictures of dresses they think are me. von Hottie – these are plain Jane dresses and a little too crunchy. Think white, flowy and in a field of wheat. True, I’m not always comfortable in the spotlight. I’m a director not an actress. But at the same time I direct Ionsesco, not the Glass Menagerie! I can’t find much I like to counter their boring dresses. Help me find a dress that is really me!
- Naked and thrust into the spotlight
************
Dear Naked Ionesco Bride,
If there's anything I understand, it's a woman in need of some theatricality in her life.
First, we need to stop thinking “wedding” and start thinking “event.” Pretend you’re not walking down an aisle, you’re walking down the red carpet. This will exponentially expand your options (and you’ll still be able to wear white!).
For inspiration, check out red carpet or runway pictures of fashion & gowns at Style.com. To start shopping, you can hop over Shopstyle.com, which pulls a large selection of designs from all over the internet. Another good place to check is Bluefly.com, which often has plenty of fancy gowns.
Also, there are some innovative designers who think outside of the bridal box. My favorites are Morgane Le Fay (feathers! Intricate fabric designs!) and Alice Temperley (Beads! Sequins!). And, if all else fails, Mary Adams will custom design a wedding dress for you, and it will definitely be theatrical.
Happy shopping!
Love,
von Hottie
Help I’m getting married! Fortunately, my husband-to-be is not the problem. The problem is the dress. I am not your typical self-obsessed bride who has been dreaming about a certain dress her whole life. We want a theatrical and very non-traditional wedding. So the last thing I want is some cupcake-like lacy, bedazzled frock. I have an appointment to look at dresses and a small entourage of women has volunteered to come with me. They have been sending me pictures of dresses they think are me. von Hottie – these are plain Jane dresses and a little too crunchy. Think white, flowy and in a field of wheat. True, I’m not always comfortable in the spotlight. I’m a director not an actress. But at the same time I direct Ionsesco, not the Glass Menagerie! I can’t find much I like to counter their boring dresses. Help me find a dress that is really me!
- Naked and thrust into the spotlight
************
Dear Naked Ionesco Bride,
If there's anything I understand, it's a woman in need of some theatricality in her life.
First, we need to stop thinking “wedding” and start thinking “event.” Pretend you’re not walking down an aisle, you’re walking down the red carpet. This will exponentially expand your options (and you’ll still be able to wear white!).
For inspiration, check out red carpet or runway pictures of fashion & gowns at Style.com. To start shopping, you can hop over Shopstyle.com, which pulls a large selection of designs from all over the internet. Another good place to check is Bluefly.com, which often has plenty of fancy gowns.
Also, there are some innovative designers who think outside of the bridal box. My favorites are Morgane Le Fay (feathers! Intricate fabric designs!) and Alice Temperley (Beads! Sequins!). And, if all else fails, Mary Adams will custom design a wedding dress for you, and it will definitely be theatrical.
Happy shopping!
Love,
von Hottie
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
von Hottie is on Current TV!
While shooting the 2009 calendar at Coney Island, von Hottie was trailed by a producer from Current TV! The footage will air later in the fall, but you can see it now on Current TV's website. Or just watch below:
Monday, August 11, 2008
Introducing the von Hottie cocktail
Introducing an exclusive treat for von Hottie fans and those in the know:
the von Hottie cocktail
Now served at:
The Dove Parlour
228 Thompson Street
(between West 3rd and Bleecker Streets)
New York, NY
Deep in Greenwich Village, late at night, you can often find a certain blonde bombshell perched at the bar of one of the best cocktail lounges in Manhattan. She doesn't drink just any old cocktail, oh, no, she drinks one that is sweet and bubbly with a kick, just like herself. It's a heady mix of champagne and St. Germain (an elderfower liqueur), topped with a lemon twist.
Some fancy-pants may ask you why you would put a lemon in a glass of champagne, as that will make it go flat? von Hottie's answer is: "That's why you have to drink it fast!" Because a von Hottie cocktail is just like von Hottness - it's best experienced from the inside out.
So, my dear von Hottlettes, rush on down to The Dove before they run out. This is an insider-only cocktail, meaning its not on the menu, so you'll have to ask for it. And if you see this drink at another establishment, set them straight and let them know what it's really called!
the von Hottie cocktail
Now served at:
The Dove Parlour
228 Thompson Street
(between West 3rd and Bleecker Streets)
New York, NY
Deep in Greenwich Village, late at night, you can often find a certain blonde bombshell perched at the bar of one of the best cocktail lounges in Manhattan. She doesn't drink just any old cocktail, oh, no, she drinks one that is sweet and bubbly with a kick, just like herself. It's a heady mix of champagne and St. Germain (an elderfower liqueur), topped with a lemon twist.
Some fancy-pants may ask you why you would put a lemon in a glass of champagne, as that will make it go flat? von Hottie's answer is: "That's why you have to drink it fast!" Because a von Hottie cocktail is just like von Hottness - it's best experienced from the inside out.
So, my dear von Hottlettes, rush on down to The Dove before they run out. This is an insider-only cocktail, meaning its not on the menu, so you'll have to ask for it. And if you see this drink at another establishment, set them straight and let them know what it's really called!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
von Hottie in Times Square!
von Hottie is shooting today in Times Square at 2:30 pm for her 2009 calendar and a documentary by kArt across America! If you're in the neighborhood, come and watch, but pretend like you just stumbled upon us. Blending in is part of the fun!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
don't hate, activate!
Dear von Hottie,
One of my closest friends is in a musical production right now at the local community theatre. For several months, I've heard her tell me horror story after horror story about how poorly the director has been treating both her and her cast mates. Months ago I told her that she shouldn't tolerate being abused this way, and that she should leave the production. But she decided to stick it out. Last night, the director apparently singled her out in front of the cast, cursed at her, and told her that she could potentially ruin the entire show. I am livid---after holding my tongue the past few months, I finally had it. I called the director and, as he did not pick up, left a voicemail expressing my utter disgust at his treatment of both her and the rest of the cast. He responded with his own voicemail, stating simply "It is none of your business. This is how I work." I recognize that if she's choosing to tolerate the abuse, there's really nothing more I can do. But I don't want to go to the show, as I feel it is showing support for a production run by insults and berating. I wish the cast, who've all suffered under him, would stage a walkout. I don't want to not support my friends, but I don't want to support him. What should I do?
-West Side Gory
**************************************************
Dear West Side Gory,
Tyranny is *so* unnecessary. And for that matter, so is martyrdom. You should see your friend's show - she needs your support now more than ever. Then you should write a very impassioned and detailed letter to the theater and the show's producers, citing specific instances of the director's abuse and your interactions with him. You should also send a copy of that letter to the SSDC, the union for stage directors and choreographers, of which the director is most likely a member, with an attached note saying that you would like to submit it as a formal complaint. If you can find out which agent represents that director, you should send the agent a copy too. Complaining to the people who are directly responsible for hiring the director will be much more effective to your cause in the long run.
Love,
von Hottie
One of my closest friends is in a musical production right now at the local community theatre. For several months, I've heard her tell me horror story after horror story about how poorly the director has been treating both her and her cast mates. Months ago I told her that she shouldn't tolerate being abused this way, and that she should leave the production. But she decided to stick it out. Last night, the director apparently singled her out in front of the cast, cursed at her, and told her that she could potentially ruin the entire show. I am livid---after holding my tongue the past few months, I finally had it. I called the director and, as he did not pick up, left a voicemail expressing my utter disgust at his treatment of both her and the rest of the cast. He responded with his own voicemail, stating simply "It is none of your business. This is how I work." I recognize that if she's choosing to tolerate the abuse, there's really nothing more I can do. But I don't want to go to the show, as I feel it is showing support for a production run by insults and berating. I wish the cast, who've all suffered under him, would stage a walkout. I don't want to not support my friends, but I don't want to support him. What should I do?
-West Side Gory
**************************************************
Dear West Side Gory,
Tyranny is *so* unnecessary. And for that matter, so is martyrdom. You should see your friend's show - she needs your support now more than ever. Then you should write a very impassioned and detailed letter to the theater and the show's producers, citing specific instances of the director's abuse and your interactions with him. You should also send a copy of that letter to the SSDC, the union for stage directors and choreographers, of which the director is most likely a member, with an attached note saying that you would like to submit it as a formal complaint. If you can find out which agent represents that director, you should send the agent a copy too. Complaining to the people who are directly responsible for hiring the director will be much more effective to your cause in the long run.
Love,
von Hottie
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
a moment in oops
Dear von Hottie,
For the past three or four months I have had a crush on an older man who in the past has been something of an authority figure in my life. After some flirting, and some drinking I admitted that crush and he admitted his and well... we had what I will refer to as "A moment in time" and now we're not really talking. Above all, this is a friendship that I treasured and now I'm not so sure we even have that. I feel so confused as to what the next step should be.
Help me von Hottie!
Love,
Lovelorn in the Plains
**************************************************
Dear Lovelorn,
When von Hottie was shooting her calendar on the Brooklyn Bridge, she thought it would be so pretty if she draped herself all over the dividing traffic line. Unfortunately, the oncoming traffic did not agree and became rather upset with her, especially the joggers and the giant unicyclists. So von Hottie said, "Oops!," laughed it off and moved on.
And that's exactly what you should do. Contact your friend, laugh about your "moment in time," chat about what's new in your life, and move on down the road with your friendship. If he doesn't follow your lead, leave him by the side of the road. A friend without a sense of humor is no friend at all.
Love,
von Hottie
For the past three or four months I have had a crush on an older man who in the past has been something of an authority figure in my life. After some flirting, and some drinking I admitted that crush and he admitted his and well... we had what I will refer to as "A moment in time" and now we're not really talking. Above all, this is a friendship that I treasured and now I'm not so sure we even have that. I feel so confused as to what the next step should be.
Help me von Hottie!
Love,
Lovelorn in the Plains
**************************************************
Dear Lovelorn,
When von Hottie was shooting her calendar on the Brooklyn Bridge, she thought it would be so pretty if she draped herself all over the dividing traffic line. Unfortunately, the oncoming traffic did not agree and became rather upset with her, especially the joggers and the giant unicyclists. So von Hottie said, "Oops!," laughed it off and moved on.
And that's exactly what you should do. Contact your friend, laugh about your "moment in time," chat about what's new in your life, and move on down the road with your friendship. If he doesn't follow your lead, leave him by the side of the road. A friend without a sense of humor is no friend at all.
Love,
von Hottie
Ross was on a break, Rachel wasn't. The End.
Dear von Hottie,
About a year ago, I went out with this girl - let's call her "Jane" - a few times. We hit it off incredibly well, better than I have with anyone else. Unfortunately, at the time, a misunderstanding led to us never really developing any kind of physical or romantic relationship, and there was a little bitterness on both sides from the whole thing (I'll spare you the details).
Anyway, after several months of not finding anyone even approaching the same galaxy of awesome as "Jane", we reconnected. About an hour after seeing her for the first time in a year, we were in bed. Up all night talking, not talking, generally being disgustingly cute and sappy.... instant relationship, just add water. It's been about a month now, and things are going fantastic.
The only thing that bugs me, though, is that the couple of times our previous time spent together comes up, she blames me for the entire deal. She doesn't do it in a mean way, and she doesn't hold a grudge; to her it's just something that happened that also happened to be my fault exclusively. That, suffice it to say, is not how I see it. And it's clearly not a big deal, because everything's going so well now. So, should I just get the hell over it and enjoy what I've got going? It's a small thing, but it gnaws at me just enough to be annoying. Please advise.
-A Minor Annoyance
***********************************
Dear Minor Annoyance,
Did you ever watch Friends? Well, you may recall one pivotal episode where Ross and Rachel had a fight. Rachel said, "Maybe we should take a break." Ross walked out the door, into a bar and right into the bed of hot Xerox girl. The next day he and Rachel made up, but they broke up again when she found out about Xerox girl. Ross spent the rest of the series (another,oh, SIX YEARS) defending himself with, "We were ON A BREAK!" Rachel never bought it. No one ever won that argument because it doesn't matter whether or not Ross and Rachel were ever on a break, the point is that Ross was on a break and Rachel wasn't.
Don't be Ross. Why ruin what seems to be a wonderful time by worrying over an argument that can never be resolved? Take your lovely lady into your life, your bed and your heart. Agree to disagree. Take the energy you would have spent arguing, and spend it on each other.
Love,
von Hottie
About a year ago, I went out with this girl - let's call her "Jane" - a few times. We hit it off incredibly well, better than I have with anyone else. Unfortunately, at the time, a misunderstanding led to us never really developing any kind of physical or romantic relationship, and there was a little bitterness on both sides from the whole thing (I'll spare you the details).
Anyway, after several months of not finding anyone even approaching the same galaxy of awesome as "Jane", we reconnected. About an hour after seeing her for the first time in a year, we were in bed. Up all night talking, not talking, generally being disgustingly cute and sappy.... instant relationship, just add water. It's been about a month now, and things are going fantastic.
The only thing that bugs me, though, is that the couple of times our previous time spent together comes up, she blames me for the entire deal. She doesn't do it in a mean way, and she doesn't hold a grudge; to her it's just something that happened that also happened to be my fault exclusively. That, suffice it to say, is not how I see it. And it's clearly not a big deal, because everything's going so well now. So, should I just get the hell over it and enjoy what I've got going? It's a small thing, but it gnaws at me just enough to be annoying. Please advise.
-A Minor Annoyance
***********************************
Dear Minor Annoyance,
Did you ever watch Friends? Well, you may recall one pivotal episode where Ross and Rachel had a fight. Rachel said, "Maybe we should take a break." Ross walked out the door, into a bar and right into the bed of hot Xerox girl. The next day he and Rachel made up, but they broke up again when she found out about Xerox girl. Ross spent the rest of the series (another,oh, SIX YEARS) defending himself with, "We were ON A BREAK!" Rachel never bought it. No one ever won that argument because it doesn't matter whether or not Ross and Rachel were ever on a break, the point is that Ross was on a break and Rachel wasn't.
Don't be Ross. Why ruin what seems to be a wonderful time by worrying over an argument that can never be resolved? Take your lovely lady into your life, your bed and your heart. Agree to disagree. Take the energy you would have spent arguing, and spend it on each other.
Love,
von Hottie
Monday, February 11, 2008
the only games you should play involve a board, not your heart
Dear von Oracle,
i totally wore your underwear last night and it paid off big ;-) thanks.
my x boyfriend is a complete ass, i totally made a silly high school comment on his facebook and he got pissy and unfacebooked me. which was more then fine... but not even a week later he then asked me if he could come to my party... of course i said yes... but he didn't come (cough cough) he got sick (probably from his icky boyfriend in california) but my question is... VON ORACLE WHY WON'T HE STOP!?!? I've been unfacedbooked, unfriendstered, refriendsterd, denied on myspace... but he still comes back like a boomerang. what's his deal?
Sincerely Dizzy in Down Under-wear
************************************************
Dear Dizzy,
I'm so excited to hear that von Hottise Tottsie is working out so well for you!
Regarding your ex: yuck! This boy sounds so middle school!
People like this just love to get under your skin, and it drives them crazy if they think you are not constantly thinking about them. You're right, just like a boomerang he's always going to run away and then come back into your life - only to slap you in the face!
The only thing you can do is cut him out of your life, cut off all communication (unFriendster HIM, unFacebook HIM, etc.), and ignore all attempts at communication. Take control of the situation by rising above his craziness and refusing to engage in silly games that only drain your energy, suck your soul and waste your time. You've got bigger and better things going on, son, so keep your eye on the prize.
Just a warning: your ex will probably run around in circles just to attract your attention, but you must stay strong. Eventually he'll tire out like the immature adolescent he is and give up. Good riddance and good luck.
Love,
von Hottie
i totally wore your underwear last night and it paid off big ;-) thanks.
my x boyfriend is a complete ass, i totally made a silly high school comment on his facebook and he got pissy and unfacebooked me. which was more then fine... but not even a week later he then asked me if he could come to my party... of course i said yes... but he didn't come (cough cough) he got sick (probably from his icky boyfriend in california) but my question is... VON ORACLE WHY WON'T HE STOP!?!? I've been unfacedbooked, unfriendstered, refriendsterd, denied on myspace... but he still comes back like a boomerang. what's his deal?
Sincerely Dizzy in Down Under-wear
************************************************
Dear Dizzy,
I'm so excited to hear that von Hottise Tottsie is working out so well for you!
Regarding your ex: yuck! This boy sounds so middle school!
People like this just love to get under your skin, and it drives them crazy if they think you are not constantly thinking about them. You're right, just like a boomerang he's always going to run away and then come back into your life - only to slap you in the face!
The only thing you can do is cut him out of your life, cut off all communication (unFriendster HIM, unFacebook HIM, etc.), and ignore all attempts at communication. Take control of the situation by rising above his craziness and refusing to engage in silly games that only drain your energy, suck your soul and waste your time. You've got bigger and better things going on, son, so keep your eye on the prize.
Just a warning: your ex will probably run around in circles just to attract your attention, but you must stay strong. Eventually he'll tire out like the immature adolescent he is and give up. Good riddance and good luck.
Love,
von Hottie
a lover is just a friend in your bed
Dear von Hottie,
I have a friend whom I've recently developed feelings for. We've known each other for about a year, but have only hung out in group situations. I feel like we have great chemistry between us, even though we're from different backgrounds and have different interests. The thing is, I feel like she's dropping hints that she's interested in me, but I keep doubting myself because she acts so cool around me. We're both a bit shy...I can't just assume she reads 'Von Hottie: the Oracle' on the regular and will get the hint to make the first move...what can I do? What are some buying signals I can look for?
Best, M.
**********************************************
Dear M.,
A good lover is someone who can also be a good friend. You could bide your time and just sit around being confused by ambivalent indicators of interest (e.g. does she initiate physical contact, express interest in one-on-one activities, etc.?), but I think we have enough uncertainty in this world.
My advice: Take the plunge. Man up. Pay attention to things she's interested in and plan a date accordingly. IMPORTANT: It must be something she is interested in and preferably something she's mentioned in passing - knowing that you listen to her will have much more value than if you show off by planning something overblown and impersonal.
Then, get her alone and say, "I really like our friendship. I think you are {insert her best qualities - be specific and honest - what do you love about her?}. I think you deserve to be with someone who will treat you well and who appreciates your {insert best qualities}. I would like a chance to be that person. I'd like to take you to {insert thoughtful and fun activity for just the two of you} and see how it goes."
Assure her that if it doesn't work out, your friendship will still be intact. After all, it's just an experiment to see if you click on that level - no pressure. If the date doesn't go well, you can always say, "Remember that hilarious time we tried to date each other?!"
Go get her!
Love,
von Hottie
I have a friend whom I've recently developed feelings for. We've known each other for about a year, but have only hung out in group situations. I feel like we have great chemistry between us, even though we're from different backgrounds and have different interests. The thing is, I feel like she's dropping hints that she's interested in me, but I keep doubting myself because she acts so cool around me. We're both a bit shy...I can't just assume she reads 'Von Hottie: the Oracle' on the regular and will get the hint to make the first move...what can I do? What are some buying signals I can look for?
Best, M.
**********************************************
Dear M.,
A good lover is someone who can also be a good friend. You could bide your time and just sit around being confused by ambivalent indicators of interest (e.g. does she initiate physical contact, express interest in one-on-one activities, etc.?), but I think we have enough uncertainty in this world.
My advice: Take the plunge. Man up. Pay attention to things she's interested in and plan a date accordingly. IMPORTANT: It must be something she is interested in and preferably something she's mentioned in passing - knowing that you listen to her will have much more value than if you show off by planning something overblown and impersonal.
Then, get her alone and say, "I really like our friendship. I think you are {insert her best qualities - be specific and honest - what do you love about her?}. I think you deserve to be with someone who will treat you well and who appreciates your {insert best qualities}. I would like a chance to be that person. I'd like to take you to {insert thoughtful and fun activity for just the two of you} and see how it goes."
Assure her that if it doesn't work out, your friendship will still be intact. After all, it's just an experiment to see if you click on that level - no pressure. If the date doesn't go well, you can always say, "Remember that hilarious time we tried to date each other?!"
Go get her!
Love,
von Hottie
Thursday, February 7, 2008
tongue-struck and star-tied
dear von hottie,
help! I'm in retarded love with famous people. Mostly I see myself as a witty and intelligent young woman who can hold her own in a conversation or at a party. So why do I go stupid when I see a famous person? I stare rudely, giggle too much, and can't think of a single interesting thing to say to them that doesn't involve "OMG YOU'RE FAMOUS!" I live in New York and have the opportunity to see oodles of amous people, and I don't want to keep sticking my foot in it. HELP!
starstruck
********************************************************************
Dear Starstruck,
Famous people are still people, and while in most cases their job is what makes them famous, this doesn't mean they want to be famous all the time. If you see a famous person out in public , remember that they probably consider themselves to be off the clock, and you should respect that. However, everyone loves a compliment, so if you do have the opportunity to approach them, keep it simple and short. Say something along the lines of "Hi, my name is Starstruck. I just wanted to say that I loved you [or loved your work] in ____________. I thought it was ______ and _________. Enjoy your [meal, drink, shopping trip, day, etc.]." If they are a famous for Reality TV or something that's not directly related to a talent or skill, just substitute "I loved your work" for "I was rooting for you/I'm glad you won." If you must ask for an autograph, blame it on your grandmother and try to provide at least a legit piece of paper and not a gum wrapper or crumpled receipt (Would you want to write on trash?).
Then leave them alone and try not to stare. DO NOT approach them if they are with their families and children as that is a real violation of privacy - not for the celebrity, for the family. I know we live in a celebrity-crazy culture, but that doesn't mean we have to add to the insanity.
Best of luck, and keep your eyes peeled!
Love,
von Hottie
help! I'm in retarded love with famous people. Mostly I see myself as a witty and intelligent young woman who can hold her own in a conversation or at a party. So why do I go stupid when I see a famous person? I stare rudely, giggle too much, and can't think of a single interesting thing to say to them that doesn't involve "OMG YOU'RE FAMOUS!" I live in New York and have the opportunity to see oodles of amous people, and I don't want to keep sticking my foot in it. HELP!
starstruck
********************************************************************
Dear Starstruck,
Famous people are still people, and while in most cases their job is what makes them famous, this doesn't mean they want to be famous all the time. If you see a famous person out in public , remember that they probably consider themselves to be off the clock, and you should respect that. However, everyone loves a compliment, so if you do have the opportunity to approach them, keep it simple and short. Say something along the lines of "Hi, my name is Starstruck. I just wanted to say that I loved you [or loved your work] in ____________. I thought it was ______ and _________. Enjoy your [meal, drink, shopping trip, day, etc.]." If they are a famous for Reality TV or something that's not directly related to a talent or skill, just substitute "I loved your work" for "I was rooting for you/I'm glad you won." If you must ask for an autograph, blame it on your grandmother and try to provide at least a legit piece of paper and not a gum wrapper or crumpled receipt (Would you want to write on trash?).
Then leave them alone and try not to stare. DO NOT approach them if they are with their families and children as that is a real violation of privacy - not for the celebrity, for the family. I know we live in a celebrity-crazy culture, but that doesn't mean we have to add to the insanity.
Best of luck, and keep your eyes peeled!
Love,
von Hottie
Run for the hills! It's bridezilla!
dear von hottie,
First of all, you're pretty.
But enough about you. My girlfriend and I got engaged on new years eve. It was super romantic and she is the best. The thing is that I'm a little worried about her turning into a bridezilla. I never would have thought that she had it in her, but ever since I put that ring on her finger she's had a funny glint in her eye that twinkles when she looks at "Martha Stewart Weddings". von Hottie, how does one stave off a bridezilla?
signed,
engaged and worried
***************************************
Dear Engaged,
Congratulations!
Many couples find it very easy to get carried away during the wedding planning process. The important thing is to keep it all in perspective.
You should sit down with your bride-to-be and make a list of the top five things that are important to you both about your wedding. Most likely those things will run along the lines of friends, family, laughter, good food and an infinite supply of champagne (oh wait, that's my wedding!). As you plan your special day, if something doesn't directly enhance your experience of the top five things you want at your wedding, cut it. After all, the only people who will notice whether or not you have custom monogrammed chair covers are you and your bride. Your guests just want to be comfortable and spend time celebrating with you.
That said, if there is some detail that doesn't matter to you, but your bride really wants it and it's within your budget, let her have it. It will make her happy. Things like napkin colors and invitation fonts really aren't worth fighting over anyway.
May you and your bride find all the happiness you deserve.
Love,
von Hottie.
First of all, you're pretty.
But enough about you. My girlfriend and I got engaged on new years eve. It was super romantic and she is the best. The thing is that I'm a little worried about her turning into a bridezilla. I never would have thought that she had it in her, but ever since I put that ring on her finger she's had a funny glint in her eye that twinkles when she looks at "Martha Stewart Weddings". von Hottie, how does one stave off a bridezilla?
signed,
engaged and worried
***************************************
Dear Engaged,
Congratulations!
Many couples find it very easy to get carried away during the wedding planning process. The important thing is to keep it all in perspective.
You should sit down with your bride-to-be and make a list of the top five things that are important to you both about your wedding. Most likely those things will run along the lines of friends, family, laughter, good food and an infinite supply of champagne (oh wait, that's my wedding!). As you plan your special day, if something doesn't directly enhance your experience of the top five things you want at your wedding, cut it. After all, the only people who will notice whether or not you have custom monogrammed chair covers are you and your bride. Your guests just want to be comfortable and spend time celebrating with you.
That said, if there is some detail that doesn't matter to you, but your bride really wants it and it's within your budget, let her have it. It will make her happy. Things like napkin colors and invitation fonts really aren't worth fighting over anyway.
May you and your bride find all the happiness you deserve.
Love,
von Hottie.
Friday, January 18, 2008
wooly bully
Dear von Hottie,
Sometimes my friend says things that almost hurt my feelings. Nothing big or overt, just small negative comments, so I would feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion by saying anything to him about it. I would rather spend time with my friends who say nice things to me, but I can't just quit the friendship because he's my cousin, too. What should I do? Love, Mildly annoyed
*****************************
Dear Mildly annoyed,
Your cousin is being a big bully. The only way to stop a bully in their big stinky tracks is to stand up to them by standing up for yourself. You are a lovely person and he has no right to be mean or condescending.
The good thing about cousins is that they are alot like siblings, which means when they bother you, you can give them hell. The next time he makes a nasty comment, start teasing him (i.e. "Why, jealous?"). If he can't take it, he shouldn't dish it out. If it continues, confront him. Just say:
"Listen up, cousin. It pisses me off when you make negative and belittling comments. If you've got a problem with me, spit out out. Otherwise, knock it off or I'll fart in your face."
Then change the subject. From then on, just drop the subject and continue on as if everything has been resolved.
If your cousin still doesn't let it go after this, remind him that he's pissing you off and take a break from hanging out with him. Or, if you want to be really immature, every time he makes a nasty comment, cut him off by putting a hand in his face and saying,"Shh. Shhh. Shhh." That should train him.
The important thing is to stand up to your cousin now, before you spend the rest of your life, and every family gathering, putting up with his snarkiness.
Love,
von Hottie
Sometimes my friend says things that almost hurt my feelings. Nothing big or overt, just small negative comments, so I would feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion by saying anything to him about it. I would rather spend time with my friends who say nice things to me, but I can't just quit the friendship because he's my cousin, too. What should I do? Love, Mildly annoyed
*****************************
Dear Mildly annoyed,
Your cousin is being a big bully. The only way to stop a bully in their big stinky tracks is to stand up to them by standing up for yourself. You are a lovely person and he has no right to be mean or condescending.
The good thing about cousins is that they are alot like siblings, which means when they bother you, you can give them hell. The next time he makes a nasty comment, start teasing him (i.e. "Why, jealous?"). If he can't take it, he shouldn't dish it out. If it continues, confront him. Just say:
"Listen up, cousin. It pisses me off when you make negative and belittling comments. If you've got a problem with me, spit out out. Otherwise, knock it off or I'll fart in your face."
Then change the subject. From then on, just drop the subject and continue on as if everything has been resolved.
If your cousin still doesn't let it go after this, remind him that he's pissing you off and take a break from hanging out with him. Or, if you want to be really immature, every time he makes a nasty comment, cut him off by putting a hand in his face and saying,"Shh. Shhh. Shhh." That should train him.
The important thing is to stand up to your cousin now, before you spend the rest of your life, and every family gathering, putting up with his snarkiness.
Love,
von Hottie
love dot com
Dear von Oracle,
My dating life is kinda lame but that's normal I guess given that this has gotta be the worst dating city in the world! Should I try these online services or am I only asking for trouble if I start putting myself out there like that. Help me von Oracle, you're my only hope...
Anonymous Dude
**************************************
Dear Anonymous Dude,
Most people who try online dating services experience mixes results. I say, you get what you give! If you want to resurrect the Titanic (a.k.a. your dating life), you're going to need a big (Inter)net!
Why not set a specific time period, and give it a whirl. Put your all into it. If at the end of your online dating experiment, you're not satisfied with the results, then try something else. At the very least, you will meet new people and hone your dating skills. You might even make some new friends, and those friends could introduce you to their friends, and before you know it, there really will be plenty of fish in the sea.
Good luck!
Love,
von Hottie
p.s. Just remember, if you're taking a dip in strange new waters, it's best to suit up! Use a condom!
My dating life is kinda lame but that's normal I guess given that this has gotta be the worst dating city in the world! Should I try these online services or am I only asking for trouble if I start putting myself out there like that. Help me von Oracle, you're my only hope...
Anonymous Dude
**************************************
Dear Anonymous Dude,
Most people who try online dating services experience mixes results. I say, you get what you give! If you want to resurrect the Titanic (a.k.a. your dating life), you're going to need a big (Inter)net!
Why not set a specific time period, and give it a whirl. Put your all into it. If at the end of your online dating experiment, you're not satisfied with the results, then try something else. At the very least, you will meet new people and hone your dating skills. You might even make some new friends, and those friends could introduce you to their friends, and before you know it, there really will be plenty of fish in the sea.
Good luck!
Love,
von Hottie
p.s. Just remember, if you're taking a dip in strange new waters, it's best to suit up! Use a condom!
von angst
Usually, von Oracle answers questions about the simple things in life, but sometimes, one of von Hottie's fans likes to challenge her! Read below as von Hottie goes deep, very deep. (Questions in italics, von Hottie's answers in red.)
Dear von Hottie,
Where to begin:
1. how does one battle against what is inherent, i.e. the belief/thought that we are going to become our parents or some version of them... Can we avoid this, and if so how?
You can't be your parents, because you are who you are and they are who they are. Certain things about you will be shaped by who they are and your experiences with them, but not everything. Merely being conscious of their flaws already puts you far ahead of the game. If you're worried about being like them, you're already not like them. Do you think they are worried about being themselves? No.
2. if you identify as "queer" yet people of the same sex who identify as "straight" continue to make out with you and sleep with you (of their own volition), is there any point in questioning their sexual orientation? Is it worth taking them seriously or connecting on an emotional level? Or is it better to turn off your heart?
You know how the Rubix cube is a big jumble of rainbow blocks, and only once in a while does it all match up? People are the same way. Go ahead and make out with them just for fun if you want to (and if they want to!), but it's not your job to sort out their mess, and you shouldn't invest more in them than I invest in the Rubix cube (about a minute of effort and maybe an ounce of pain).
3. any advice for staying in the moment instead of worrying about the past and the future?
Breathe. One breath followed by another. Plenty of times I have thought back to something and thought, "Man, that time was so good. I wish I had just lingered in it instead of jumping into the next thing." So now if I feel good, or even if I feel bad in an interesting way, I try to just pause for a second, to just be in it, and forget about my to-do list, or my not-to-do list, or what I did the night before, or what I'm doing tonight – just sit back and take in what is happening around you.
Try eating a Tootsie Roll pop - those take a lot of concentration. If you really work at getting to the center, it's easy to tune everything else out.
4. what do you do when you feel a deep connection with someone who has yet to acknowledge it/feel the same way? not necessarily something romantic, but the undeniable feeling that you are meant to be closer to someone who keeps a distance?
They will come around. Let them know you want to hang out, be attentive and open and it will happen. Unless they are a big mess, and then it's not your job to fix them, and you shouldn't feel bad if they brush you off – they've got a lot going on and you should give them the space to do it.
5. how do you dumb yourself down? if your mind is always going, always analyzing and pondering and worrying and thinking, what are some good way to chill the fuck out? we're talkin quick fixes, not drugs/alcohol/exercise/watching tv or things you might be unable to do in the moment...
Again, breathe. Is there a fire? No. Then there's no emergency. And if that doesn't work, do a jig. Your mind can't freak out if your body is busy getting jiggy. Or wear a party hat. That helps too.
Love, von Hottie
Dear von Hottie,
Where to begin:
1. how does one battle against what is inherent, i.e. the belief/thought that we are going to become our parents or some version of them... Can we avoid this, and if so how?
You can't be your parents, because you are who you are and they are who they are. Certain things about you will be shaped by who they are and your experiences with them, but not everything. Merely being conscious of their flaws already puts you far ahead of the game. If you're worried about being like them, you're already not like them. Do you think they are worried about being themselves? No.
2. if you identify as "queer" yet people of the same sex who identify as "straight" continue to make out with you and sleep with you (of their own volition), is there any point in questioning their sexual orientation? Is it worth taking them seriously or connecting on an emotional level? Or is it better to turn off your heart?
You know how the Rubix cube is a big jumble of rainbow blocks, and only once in a while does it all match up? People are the same way. Go ahead and make out with them just for fun if you want to (and if they want to!), but it's not your job to sort out their mess, and you shouldn't invest more in them than I invest in the Rubix cube (about a minute of effort and maybe an ounce of pain).
3. any advice for staying in the moment instead of worrying about the past and the future?
Breathe. One breath followed by another. Plenty of times I have thought back to something and thought, "Man, that time was so good. I wish I had just lingered in it instead of jumping into the next thing." So now if I feel good, or even if I feel bad in an interesting way, I try to just pause for a second, to just be in it, and forget about my to-do list, or my not-to-do list, or what I did the night before, or what I'm doing tonight – just sit back and take in what is happening around you.
Try eating a Tootsie Roll pop - those take a lot of concentration. If you really work at getting to the center, it's easy to tune everything else out.
4. what do you do when you feel a deep connection with someone who has yet to acknowledge it/feel the same way? not necessarily something romantic, but the undeniable feeling that you are meant to be closer to someone who keeps a distance?
They will come around. Let them know you want to hang out, be attentive and open and it will happen. Unless they are a big mess, and then it's not your job to fix them, and you shouldn't feel bad if they brush you off – they've got a lot going on and you should give them the space to do it.
5. how do you dumb yourself down? if your mind is always going, always analyzing and pondering and worrying and thinking, what are some good way to chill the fuck out? we're talkin quick fixes, not drugs/alcohol/exercise/watching tv or things you might be unable to do in the moment...
Again, breathe. Is there a fire? No. Then there's no emergency. And if that doesn't work, do a jig. Your mind can't freak out if your body is busy getting jiggy. Or wear a party hat. That helps too.
Love, von Hottie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
