Dear von Hottie,
Sometimes my friend says things that almost hurt my feelings. Nothing big or overt, just small negative comments, so I would feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion by saying anything to him about it. I would rather spend time with my friends who say nice things to me, but I can't just quit the friendship because he's my cousin, too. What should I do? Love, Mildly annoyed
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Dear Mildly annoyed,
Your cousin is being a big bully. The only way to stop a bully in their big stinky tracks is to stand up to them by standing up for yourself. You are a lovely person and he has no right to be mean or condescending.
The good thing about cousins is that they are alot like siblings, which means when they bother you, you can give them hell. The next time he makes a nasty comment, start teasing him (i.e. "Why, jealous?"). If he can't take it, he shouldn't dish it out. If it continues, confront him. Just say:
"Listen up, cousin. It pisses me off when you make negative and belittling comments. If you've got a problem with me, spit out out. Otherwise, knock it off or I'll fart in your face."
Then change the subject. From then on, just drop the subject and continue on as if everything has been resolved.
If your cousin still doesn't let it go after this, remind him that he's pissing you off and take a break from hanging out with him. Or, if you want to be really immature, every time he makes a nasty comment, cut him off by putting a hand in his face and saying,"Shh. Shhh. Shhh." That should train him.
The important thing is to stand up to your cousin now, before you spend the rest of your life, and every family gathering, putting up with his snarkiness.
Love,
von Hottie
Friday, January 18, 2008
love dot com
Dear von Oracle,
My dating life is kinda lame but that's normal I guess given that this has gotta be the worst dating city in the world! Should I try these online services or am I only asking for trouble if I start putting myself out there like that. Help me von Oracle, you're my only hope...
Anonymous Dude
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Dear Anonymous Dude,
Most people who try online dating services experience mixes results. I say, you get what you give! If you want to resurrect the Titanic (a.k.a. your dating life), you're going to need a big (Inter)net!
Why not set a specific time period, and give it a whirl. Put your all into it. If at the end of your online dating experiment, you're not satisfied with the results, then try something else. At the very least, you will meet new people and hone your dating skills. You might even make some new friends, and those friends could introduce you to their friends, and before you know it, there really will be plenty of fish in the sea.
Good luck!
Love,
von Hottie
p.s. Just remember, if you're taking a dip in strange new waters, it's best to suit up! Use a condom!
My dating life is kinda lame but that's normal I guess given that this has gotta be the worst dating city in the world! Should I try these online services or am I only asking for trouble if I start putting myself out there like that. Help me von Oracle, you're my only hope...
Anonymous Dude
**************************************
Dear Anonymous Dude,
Most people who try online dating services experience mixes results. I say, you get what you give! If you want to resurrect the Titanic (a.k.a. your dating life), you're going to need a big (Inter)net!
Why not set a specific time period, and give it a whirl. Put your all into it. If at the end of your online dating experiment, you're not satisfied with the results, then try something else. At the very least, you will meet new people and hone your dating skills. You might even make some new friends, and those friends could introduce you to their friends, and before you know it, there really will be plenty of fish in the sea.
Good luck!
Love,
von Hottie
p.s. Just remember, if you're taking a dip in strange new waters, it's best to suit up! Use a condom!
von angst
Usually, von Oracle answers questions about the simple things in life, but sometimes, one of von Hottie's fans likes to challenge her! Read below as von Hottie goes deep, very deep. (Questions in italics, von Hottie's answers in red.)
Dear von Hottie,
Where to begin:
1. how does one battle against what is inherent, i.e. the belief/thought that we are going to become our parents or some version of them... Can we avoid this, and if so how?
You can't be your parents, because you are who you are and they are who they are. Certain things about you will be shaped by who they are and your experiences with them, but not everything. Merely being conscious of their flaws already puts you far ahead of the game. If you're worried about being like them, you're already not like them. Do you think they are worried about being themselves? No.
2. if you identify as "queer" yet people of the same sex who identify as "straight" continue to make out with you and sleep with you (of their own volition), is there any point in questioning their sexual orientation? Is it worth taking them seriously or connecting on an emotional level? Or is it better to turn off your heart?
You know how the Rubix cube is a big jumble of rainbow blocks, and only once in a while does it all match up? People are the same way. Go ahead and make out with them just for fun if you want to (and if they want to!), but it's not your job to sort out their mess, and you shouldn't invest more in them than I invest in the Rubix cube (about a minute of effort and maybe an ounce of pain).
3. any advice for staying in the moment instead of worrying about the past and the future?
Breathe. One breath followed by another. Plenty of times I have thought back to something and thought, "Man, that time was so good. I wish I had just lingered in it instead of jumping into the next thing." So now if I feel good, or even if I feel bad in an interesting way, I try to just pause for a second, to just be in it, and forget about my to-do list, or my not-to-do list, or what I did the night before, or what I'm doing tonight – just sit back and take in what is happening around you.
Try eating a Tootsie Roll pop - those take a lot of concentration. If you really work at getting to the center, it's easy to tune everything else out.
4. what do you do when you feel a deep connection with someone who has yet to acknowledge it/feel the same way? not necessarily something romantic, but the undeniable feeling that you are meant to be closer to someone who keeps a distance?
They will come around. Let them know you want to hang out, be attentive and open and it will happen. Unless they are a big mess, and then it's not your job to fix them, and you shouldn't feel bad if they brush you off – they've got a lot going on and you should give them the space to do it.
5. how do you dumb yourself down? if your mind is always going, always analyzing and pondering and worrying and thinking, what are some good way to chill the fuck out? we're talkin quick fixes, not drugs/alcohol/exercise/watching tv or things you might be unable to do in the moment...
Again, breathe. Is there a fire? No. Then there's no emergency. And if that doesn't work, do a jig. Your mind can't freak out if your body is busy getting jiggy. Or wear a party hat. That helps too.
Love, von Hottie
Dear von Hottie,
Where to begin:
1. how does one battle against what is inherent, i.e. the belief/thought that we are going to become our parents or some version of them... Can we avoid this, and if so how?
You can't be your parents, because you are who you are and they are who they are. Certain things about you will be shaped by who they are and your experiences with them, but not everything. Merely being conscious of their flaws already puts you far ahead of the game. If you're worried about being like them, you're already not like them. Do you think they are worried about being themselves? No.
2. if you identify as "queer" yet people of the same sex who identify as "straight" continue to make out with you and sleep with you (of their own volition), is there any point in questioning their sexual orientation? Is it worth taking them seriously or connecting on an emotional level? Or is it better to turn off your heart?
You know how the Rubix cube is a big jumble of rainbow blocks, and only once in a while does it all match up? People are the same way. Go ahead and make out with them just for fun if you want to (and if they want to!), but it's not your job to sort out their mess, and you shouldn't invest more in them than I invest in the Rubix cube (about a minute of effort and maybe an ounce of pain).
3. any advice for staying in the moment instead of worrying about the past and the future?
Breathe. One breath followed by another. Plenty of times I have thought back to something and thought, "Man, that time was so good. I wish I had just lingered in it instead of jumping into the next thing." So now if I feel good, or even if I feel bad in an interesting way, I try to just pause for a second, to just be in it, and forget about my to-do list, or my not-to-do list, or what I did the night before, or what I'm doing tonight – just sit back and take in what is happening around you.
Try eating a Tootsie Roll pop - those take a lot of concentration. If you really work at getting to the center, it's easy to tune everything else out.
4. what do you do when you feel a deep connection with someone who has yet to acknowledge it/feel the same way? not necessarily something romantic, but the undeniable feeling that you are meant to be closer to someone who keeps a distance?
They will come around. Let them know you want to hang out, be attentive and open and it will happen. Unless they are a big mess, and then it's not your job to fix them, and you shouldn't feel bad if they brush you off – they've got a lot going on and you should give them the space to do it.
5. how do you dumb yourself down? if your mind is always going, always analyzing and pondering and worrying and thinking, what are some good way to chill the fuck out? we're talkin quick fixes, not drugs/alcohol/exercise/watching tv or things you might be unable to do in the moment...
Again, breathe. Is there a fire? No. Then there's no emergency. And if that doesn't work, do a jig. Your mind can't freak out if your body is busy getting jiggy. Or wear a party hat. That helps too.
Love, von Hottie
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