wooly bully

Dear von Hottie,
Sometimes my friend says things that almost hurt my feelings. Nothing big or overt, just small negative comments, so I would feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion by saying anything to him about it. I would rather spend time with my friends who say nice things to me, but I can't just quit the friendship because he's my cousin, too. What should I do? Love, Mildly annoyed

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Dear Mildly annoyed,

Your cousin is being a big bully. The only way to stop a bully in their big stinky tracks is to stand up to them by standing up for yourself. You are a lovely person and he has no right to be mean or condescending.

The good thing about cousins is that they are alot like siblings, which means when they bother you, you can give them hell. The next time he makes a nasty comment, start teasing him (i.e. "Why, jealous?"). If he can't take it, he shouldn't dish it out. If it continues, confront him. Just say:

"Listen up, cousin. It pisses me off when you make negative and belittling comments. If you've got a problem with me, spit out out. Otherwise, knock it off or I'll fart in your face."

Then change the subject. From then on, just drop the subject and continue on as if everything has been resolved.

If your cousin still doesn't let it go after this, remind him that he's pissing you off and take a break from hanging out with him. Or, if you want to be really immature, every time he makes a nasty comment, cut him off by putting a hand in his face and saying,"Shh. Shhh. Shhh." That should train him.

The important thing is to stand up to your cousin now, before you spend the rest of your life, and every family gathering, putting up with his snarkiness.

Love,
von Hottie