Dear von Hottie,
For the past three or four months I have had a crush on an older man who in the past has been something of an authority figure in my life. After some flirting, and some drinking I admitted that crush and he admitted his and well... we had what I will refer to as "A moment in time" and now we're not really talking. Above all, this is a friendship that I treasured and now I'm not so sure we even have that. I feel so confused as to what the next step should be.
Help me von Hottie!
Love,
Lovelorn in the Plains
**************************************************
Dear Lovelorn,
When von Hottie was shooting her calendar on the Brooklyn Bridge, she thought it would be so pretty if she draped herself all over the dividing traffic line. Unfortunately, the oncoming traffic did not agree and became rather upset with her, especially the joggers and the giant unicyclists. So von Hottie said, "Oops!," laughed it off and moved on.
And that's exactly what you should do. Contact your friend, laugh about your "moment in time," chat about what's new in your life, and move on down the road with your friendship. If he doesn't follow your lead, leave him by the side of the road. A friend without a sense of humor is no friend at all.
Love,
von Hottie
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Ross was on a break, Rachel wasn't. The End.
Dear von Hottie,
About a year ago, I went out with this girl - let's call her "Jane" - a few times. We hit it off incredibly well, better than I have with anyone else. Unfortunately, at the time, a misunderstanding led to us never really developing any kind of physical or romantic relationship, and there was a little bitterness on both sides from the whole thing (I'll spare you the details).
Anyway, after several months of not finding anyone even approaching the same galaxy of awesome as "Jane", we reconnected. About an hour after seeing her for the first time in a year, we were in bed. Up all night talking, not talking, generally being disgustingly cute and sappy.... instant relationship, just add water. It's been about a month now, and things are going fantastic.
The only thing that bugs me, though, is that the couple of times our previous time spent together comes up, she blames me for the entire deal. She doesn't do it in a mean way, and she doesn't hold a grudge; to her it's just something that happened that also happened to be my fault exclusively. That, suffice it to say, is not how I see it. And it's clearly not a big deal, because everything's going so well now. So, should I just get the hell over it and enjoy what I've got going? It's a small thing, but it gnaws at me just enough to be annoying. Please advise.
-A Minor Annoyance
***********************************
Dear Minor Annoyance,
Did you ever watch Friends? Well, you may recall one pivotal episode where Ross and Rachel had a fight. Rachel said, "Maybe we should take a break." Ross walked out the door, into a bar and right into the bed of hot Xerox girl. The next day he and Rachel made up, but they broke up again when she found out about Xerox girl. Ross spent the rest of the series (another,oh, SIX YEARS) defending himself with, "We were ON A BREAK!" Rachel never bought it. No one ever won that argument because it doesn't matter whether or not Ross and Rachel were ever on a break, the point is that Ross was on a break and Rachel wasn't.
Don't be Ross. Why ruin what seems to be a wonderful time by worrying over an argument that can never be resolved? Take your lovely lady into your life, your bed and your heart. Agree to disagree. Take the energy you would have spent arguing, and spend it on each other.
Love,
von Hottie
About a year ago, I went out with this girl - let's call her "Jane" - a few times. We hit it off incredibly well, better than I have with anyone else. Unfortunately, at the time, a misunderstanding led to us never really developing any kind of physical or romantic relationship, and there was a little bitterness on both sides from the whole thing (I'll spare you the details).
Anyway, after several months of not finding anyone even approaching the same galaxy of awesome as "Jane", we reconnected. About an hour after seeing her for the first time in a year, we were in bed. Up all night talking, not talking, generally being disgustingly cute and sappy.... instant relationship, just add water. It's been about a month now, and things are going fantastic.
The only thing that bugs me, though, is that the couple of times our previous time spent together comes up, she blames me for the entire deal. She doesn't do it in a mean way, and she doesn't hold a grudge; to her it's just something that happened that also happened to be my fault exclusively. That, suffice it to say, is not how I see it. And it's clearly not a big deal, because everything's going so well now. So, should I just get the hell over it and enjoy what I've got going? It's a small thing, but it gnaws at me just enough to be annoying. Please advise.
-A Minor Annoyance
***********************************
Dear Minor Annoyance,
Did you ever watch Friends? Well, you may recall one pivotal episode where Ross and Rachel had a fight. Rachel said, "Maybe we should take a break." Ross walked out the door, into a bar and right into the bed of hot Xerox girl. The next day he and Rachel made up, but they broke up again when she found out about Xerox girl. Ross spent the rest of the series (another,oh, SIX YEARS) defending himself with, "We were ON A BREAK!" Rachel never bought it. No one ever won that argument because it doesn't matter whether or not Ross and Rachel were ever on a break, the point is that Ross was on a break and Rachel wasn't.
Don't be Ross. Why ruin what seems to be a wonderful time by worrying over an argument that can never be resolved? Take your lovely lady into your life, your bed and your heart. Agree to disagree. Take the energy you would have spent arguing, and spend it on each other.
Love,
von Hottie
Monday, February 11, 2008
the only games you should play involve a board, not your heart
Dear von Oracle,
i totally wore your underwear last night and it paid off big ;-) thanks.
my x boyfriend is a complete ass, i totally made a silly high school comment on his facebook and he got pissy and unfacebooked me. which was more then fine... but not even a week later he then asked me if he could come to my party... of course i said yes... but he didn't come (cough cough) he got sick (probably from his icky boyfriend in california) but my question is... VON ORACLE WHY WON'T HE STOP!?!? I've been unfacedbooked, unfriendstered, refriendsterd, denied on myspace... but he still comes back like a boomerang. what's his deal?
Sincerely Dizzy in Down Under-wear
************************************************
Dear Dizzy,
I'm so excited to hear that von Hottise Tottsie is working out so well for you!
Regarding your ex: yuck! This boy sounds so middle school!
People like this just love to get under your skin, and it drives them crazy if they think you are not constantly thinking about them. You're right, just like a boomerang he's always going to run away and then come back into your life - only to slap you in the face!
The only thing you can do is cut him out of your life, cut off all communication (unFriendster HIM, unFacebook HIM, etc.), and ignore all attempts at communication. Take control of the situation by rising above his craziness and refusing to engage in silly games that only drain your energy, suck your soul and waste your time. You've got bigger and better things going on, son, so keep your eye on the prize.
Just a warning: your ex will probably run around in circles just to attract your attention, but you must stay strong. Eventually he'll tire out like the immature adolescent he is and give up. Good riddance and good luck.
Love,
von Hottie
i totally wore your underwear last night and it paid off big ;-) thanks.
my x boyfriend is a complete ass, i totally made a silly high school comment on his facebook and he got pissy and unfacebooked me. which was more then fine... but not even a week later he then asked me if he could come to my party... of course i said yes... but he didn't come (cough cough) he got sick (probably from his icky boyfriend in california) but my question is... VON ORACLE WHY WON'T HE STOP!?!? I've been unfacedbooked, unfriendstered, refriendsterd, denied on myspace... but he still comes back like a boomerang. what's his deal?
Sincerely Dizzy in Down Under-wear
************************************************
Dear Dizzy,
I'm so excited to hear that von Hottise Tottsie is working out so well for you!
Regarding your ex: yuck! This boy sounds so middle school!
People like this just love to get under your skin, and it drives them crazy if they think you are not constantly thinking about them. You're right, just like a boomerang he's always going to run away and then come back into your life - only to slap you in the face!
The only thing you can do is cut him out of your life, cut off all communication (unFriendster HIM, unFacebook HIM, etc.), and ignore all attempts at communication. Take control of the situation by rising above his craziness and refusing to engage in silly games that only drain your energy, suck your soul and waste your time. You've got bigger and better things going on, son, so keep your eye on the prize.
Just a warning: your ex will probably run around in circles just to attract your attention, but you must stay strong. Eventually he'll tire out like the immature adolescent he is and give up. Good riddance and good luck.
Love,
von Hottie
a lover is just a friend in your bed
Dear von Hottie,
I have a friend whom I've recently developed feelings for. We've known each other for about a year, but have only hung out in group situations. I feel like we have great chemistry between us, even though we're from different backgrounds and have different interests. The thing is, I feel like she's dropping hints that she's interested in me, but I keep doubting myself because she acts so cool around me. We're both a bit shy...I can't just assume she reads 'Von Hottie: the Oracle' on the regular and will get the hint to make the first move...what can I do? What are some buying signals I can look for?
Best, M.
**********************************************
Dear M.,
A good lover is someone who can also be a good friend. You could bide your time and just sit around being confused by ambivalent indicators of interest (e.g. does she initiate physical contact, express interest in one-on-one activities, etc.?), but I think we have enough uncertainty in this world.
My advice: Take the plunge. Man up. Pay attention to things she's interested in and plan a date accordingly. IMPORTANT: It must be something she is interested in and preferably something she's mentioned in passing - knowing that you listen to her will have much more value than if you show off by planning something overblown and impersonal.
Then, get her alone and say, "I really like our friendship. I think you are {insert her best qualities - be specific and honest - what do you love about her?}. I think you deserve to be with someone who will treat you well and who appreciates your {insert best qualities}. I would like a chance to be that person. I'd like to take you to {insert thoughtful and fun activity for just the two of you} and see how it goes."
Assure her that if it doesn't work out, your friendship will still be intact. After all, it's just an experiment to see if you click on that level - no pressure. If the date doesn't go well, you can always say, "Remember that hilarious time we tried to date each other?!"
Go get her!
Love,
von Hottie
I have a friend whom I've recently developed feelings for. We've known each other for about a year, but have only hung out in group situations. I feel like we have great chemistry between us, even though we're from different backgrounds and have different interests. The thing is, I feel like she's dropping hints that she's interested in me, but I keep doubting myself because she acts so cool around me. We're both a bit shy...I can't just assume she reads 'Von Hottie: the Oracle' on the regular and will get the hint to make the first move...what can I do? What are some buying signals I can look for?
Best, M.
**********************************************
Dear M.,
A good lover is someone who can also be a good friend. You could bide your time and just sit around being confused by ambivalent indicators of interest (e.g. does she initiate physical contact, express interest in one-on-one activities, etc.?), but I think we have enough uncertainty in this world.
My advice: Take the plunge. Man up. Pay attention to things she's interested in and plan a date accordingly. IMPORTANT: It must be something she is interested in and preferably something she's mentioned in passing - knowing that you listen to her will have much more value than if you show off by planning something overblown and impersonal.
Then, get her alone and say, "I really like our friendship. I think you are {insert her best qualities - be specific and honest - what do you love about her?}. I think you deserve to be with someone who will treat you well and who appreciates your {insert best qualities}. I would like a chance to be that person. I'd like to take you to {insert thoughtful and fun activity for just the two of you} and see how it goes."
Assure her that if it doesn't work out, your friendship will still be intact. After all, it's just an experiment to see if you click on that level - no pressure. If the date doesn't go well, you can always say, "Remember that hilarious time we tried to date each other?!"
Go get her!
Love,
von Hottie
Thursday, February 7, 2008
tongue-struck and star-tied
dear von hottie,
help! I'm in retarded love with famous people. Mostly I see myself as a witty and intelligent young woman who can hold her own in a conversation or at a party. So why do I go stupid when I see a famous person? I stare rudely, giggle too much, and can't think of a single interesting thing to say to them that doesn't involve "OMG YOU'RE FAMOUS!" I live in New York and have the opportunity to see oodles of amous people, and I don't want to keep sticking my foot in it. HELP!
starstruck
********************************************************************
Dear Starstruck,
Famous people are still people, and while in most cases their job is what makes them famous, this doesn't mean they want to be famous all the time. If you see a famous person out in public , remember that they probably consider themselves to be off the clock, and you should respect that. However, everyone loves a compliment, so if you do have the opportunity to approach them, keep it simple and short. Say something along the lines of "Hi, my name is Starstruck. I just wanted to say that I loved you [or loved your work] in ____________. I thought it was ______ and _________. Enjoy your [meal, drink, shopping trip, day, etc.]." If they are a famous for Reality TV or something that's not directly related to a talent or skill, just substitute "I loved your work" for "I was rooting for you/I'm glad you won." If you must ask for an autograph, blame it on your grandmother and try to provide at least a legit piece of paper and not a gum wrapper or crumpled receipt (Would you want to write on trash?).
Then leave them alone and try not to stare. DO NOT approach them if they are with their families and children as that is a real violation of privacy - not for the celebrity, for the family. I know we live in a celebrity-crazy culture, but that doesn't mean we have to add to the insanity.
Best of luck, and keep your eyes peeled!
Love,
von Hottie
help! I'm in retarded love with famous people. Mostly I see myself as a witty and intelligent young woman who can hold her own in a conversation or at a party. So why do I go stupid when I see a famous person? I stare rudely, giggle too much, and can't think of a single interesting thing to say to them that doesn't involve "OMG YOU'RE FAMOUS!" I live in New York and have the opportunity to see oodles of amous people, and I don't want to keep sticking my foot in it. HELP!
starstruck
********************************************************************
Dear Starstruck,
Famous people are still people, and while in most cases their job is what makes them famous, this doesn't mean they want to be famous all the time. If you see a famous person out in public , remember that they probably consider themselves to be off the clock, and you should respect that. However, everyone loves a compliment, so if you do have the opportunity to approach them, keep it simple and short. Say something along the lines of "Hi, my name is Starstruck. I just wanted to say that I loved you [or loved your work] in ____________. I thought it was ______ and _________. Enjoy your [meal, drink, shopping trip, day, etc.]." If they are a famous for Reality TV or something that's not directly related to a talent or skill, just substitute "I loved your work" for "I was rooting for you/I'm glad you won." If you must ask for an autograph, blame it on your grandmother and try to provide at least a legit piece of paper and not a gum wrapper or crumpled receipt (Would you want to write on trash?).
Then leave them alone and try not to stare. DO NOT approach them if they are with their families and children as that is a real violation of privacy - not for the celebrity, for the family. I know we live in a celebrity-crazy culture, but that doesn't mean we have to add to the insanity.
Best of luck, and keep your eyes peeled!
Love,
von Hottie
Run for the hills! It's bridezilla!
dear von hottie,
First of all, you're pretty.
But enough about you. My girlfriend and I got engaged on new years eve. It was super romantic and she is the best. The thing is that I'm a little worried about her turning into a bridezilla. I never would have thought that she had it in her, but ever since I put that ring on her finger she's had a funny glint in her eye that twinkles when she looks at "Martha Stewart Weddings". von Hottie, how does one stave off a bridezilla?
signed,
engaged and worried
***************************************
Dear Engaged,
Congratulations!
Many couples find it very easy to get carried away during the wedding planning process. The important thing is to keep it all in perspective.
You should sit down with your bride-to-be and make a list of the top five things that are important to you both about your wedding. Most likely those things will run along the lines of friends, family, laughter, good food and an infinite supply of champagne (oh wait, that's my wedding!). As you plan your special day, if something doesn't directly enhance your experience of the top five things you want at your wedding, cut it. After all, the only people who will notice whether or not you have custom monogrammed chair covers are you and your bride. Your guests just want to be comfortable and spend time celebrating with you.
That said, if there is some detail that doesn't matter to you, but your bride really wants it and it's within your budget, let her have it. It will make her happy. Things like napkin colors and invitation fonts really aren't worth fighting over anyway.
May you and your bride find all the happiness you deserve.
Love,
von Hottie.
First of all, you're pretty.
But enough about you. My girlfriend and I got engaged on new years eve. It was super romantic and she is the best. The thing is that I'm a little worried about her turning into a bridezilla. I never would have thought that she had it in her, but ever since I put that ring on her finger she's had a funny glint in her eye that twinkles when she looks at "Martha Stewart Weddings". von Hottie, how does one stave off a bridezilla?
signed,
engaged and worried
***************************************
Dear Engaged,
Congratulations!
Many couples find it very easy to get carried away during the wedding planning process. The important thing is to keep it all in perspective.
You should sit down with your bride-to-be and make a list of the top five things that are important to you both about your wedding. Most likely those things will run along the lines of friends, family, laughter, good food and an infinite supply of champagne (oh wait, that's my wedding!). As you plan your special day, if something doesn't directly enhance your experience of the top five things you want at your wedding, cut it. After all, the only people who will notice whether or not you have custom monogrammed chair covers are you and your bride. Your guests just want to be comfortable and spend time celebrating with you.
That said, if there is some detail that doesn't matter to you, but your bride really wants it and it's within your budget, let her have it. It will make her happy. Things like napkin colors and invitation fonts really aren't worth fighting over anyway.
May you and your bride find all the happiness you deserve.
Love,
von Hottie.
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