a moment in oops

Dear von Hottie,

For the past three or four months I have had a crush on an older man who in the past has been something of an authority figure in my life. After some flirting, and some drinking I admitted that crush and he admitted his and well... we had what I will refer to as "A moment in time" and now we're not really talking. Above all, this is a friendship that I treasured and now I'm not so sure we even have that. I feel so confused as to what the next step should be.

Help me von Hottie!

Love,
Lovelorn in the Plains

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Dear Lovelorn,

When von Hottie was shooting her calendar on the Brooklyn Bridge, she thought it would be so pretty if she draped herself all over the dividing traffic line. Unfortunately, the oncoming traffic did not agree and became rather upset with her, especially the joggers and the giant unicyclists. So von Hottie said, "Oops!," laughed it off and moved on.

And that's exactly what you should do. Contact your friend, laugh about your "moment in time," chat about what's new in your life, and move on down the road with your friendship. If he doesn't follow your lead, leave him by the side of the road. A friend without a sense of humor is no friend at all.

Love,

von Hottie

a lover is just a friend in your bed

Dear von Hottie,
I have a friend whom I've recently developed feelings for. We've known each other for about a year, but have only hung out in group situations. I feel like we have great chemistry between us, even though we're from different backgrounds and have different interests. The thing is, I feel like she's dropping hints that she's interested in me, but I keep doubting myself because she acts so cool around me. We're both a bit shy...I can't just assume she reads 'Von Hottie: the Oracle' on the regular and will get the hint to make the first move...what can I do? What are some buying signals I can look for?
Best, M.

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Dear M.,

A good lover is someone who can also be a good friend. You could bide your time and just sit around being confused by ambivalent indicators of interest (e.g. does she initiate physical contact, express interest in one-on-one activities, etc.?), but I think we have enough uncertainty in this world.

My advice: Take the plunge. Man up. Pay attention to things she's interested in and plan a date accordingly. IMPORTANT: It must be something she is interested in and preferably something she's mentioned in passing - knowing that you listen to her will have much more value than if you show off by planning something overblown and impersonal.

Then, get her alone and say, "I really like our friendship. I think you are {insert her best qualities - be specific and honest - what do you love about her?}. I think you deserve to be with someone who will treat you well and who appreciates your {insert best qualities}. I would like a chance to be that person. I'd like to take you to {insert thoughtful and fun activity for just the two of you} and see how it goes."

Assure her that if it doesn't work out, your friendship will still be intact. After all, it's just an experiment to see if you click on that level - no pressure. If the date doesn't go well, you can always say, "Remember that hilarious time we tried to date each other?!"

Go get her!

Love,

von Hottie