von angst

Usually, von Oracle answers questions about the simple things in life, but sometimes, one of von Hottie's fans likes to challenge her! Read below as von Hottie goes deep, very deep. (Questions in italics, von Hottie's answers in red.)

Dear von Hottie,

Where to begin:

1. how does one battle against what is inherent, i.e. the belief/thought that we are going to become our parents or some version of them... Can we avoid this, and if so how?

You can't be your parents, because you are who you are and they are who they are. Certain things about you will be shaped by who they are and your experiences with them, but not everything. Merely being conscious of their flaws already puts you far ahead of the game. If you're worried about being like them, you're already not like them. Do you think they are worried about being themselves? No.

2. if you identify as "queer" yet people of the same sex who identify as "straight" continue to make out with you and sleep with you (of their own volition), is there any point in questioning their sexual orientation? Is it worth taking them seriously or connecting on an emotional level? Or is it better to turn off your heart?

You know how the Rubix cube is a big jumble of rainbow blocks, and only once in a while does it all match up? People are the same way. Go ahead and make out with them just for fun if you want to (and if they want to!), but it's not your job to sort out their mess, and you shouldn't invest more in them than I invest in the Rubix cube (about a minute of effort and maybe an ounce of pain).

3. any advice for staying in the moment instead of worrying about the past and the future?

Breathe. One breath followed by another. Plenty of times I have thought back to something and thought, "Man, that time was so good. I wish I had just lingered in it instead of jumping into the next thing." So now if I feel good, or even if I feel bad in an interesting way, I try to just pause for a second, to just be in it, and forget about my to-do list, or my not-to-do list, or what I did the night before, or what I'm doing tonight – just sit back and take in what is happening around you.

Try eating a Tootsie Roll pop - those take a lot of concentration. If you really work at getting to the center, it's easy to tune everything else out.

4. what do you do when you feel a deep connection with someone who has yet to acknowledge it/feel the same way? not necessarily something romantic, but the undeniable feeling that you are meant to be closer to someone who keeps a distance?

They will come around. Let them know you want to hang out, be attentive and open and it will happen. Unless they are a big mess, and then it's not your job to fix them, and you shouldn't feel bad if they brush you off – they've got a lot going on and you should give them the space to do it.

5. how do you dumb yourself down? if your mind is always going, always analyzing and pondering and worrying and thinking, what are some good way to chill the fuck out? we're talkin quick fixes, not drugs/alcohol/exercise/watching tv or things you might be unable to do in the moment...

Again, breathe. Is there a fire? No. Then there's no emergency. And if that doesn't work, do a jig. Your mind can't freak out if your body is busy getting jiggy. Or wear a party hat. That helps too.

Love, von Hottie