shopping around

Dear von Hottie,

Everyone says that the grocery store is a great way to meet guys, and after my most recent trip their I realized that it is a cornucopia of attractive and what appear to be single men. How does one approach someone in the grocery store and start shopping for two??? Do I approach them in the produce section? Bond over Keebler Elves cookies???? Reach for the same six pack of coca-a-cola???? Help Von Hottie!

-The Lost Shopper


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Dear Shopper,

The first step is always the hardest. You just need to approach these attractive men. It doesn't matter which aisle, or what you say. Just start making conversation. It might be easier for you if you stick to a section you feel most comfortable with, i.e. cheese. You can always start off a conversation by remarking "Oh, that one is so good" or "I tried that at a cocktail party last week. I wouldn't go for that." It doesn't matter. Just say something to get a conversation started. If they're not responding after one or two remarks, move onto the next aisle. I'd stay away from places like the cookie aisle, as those tend to be places riddled by guilt and no one wants to be caught picking out their extra triple fudge and cream delights, unless you are magically able to build a rapport with the object of your affection around your common pudge. The produce aisle might be a good place to start. You can ask something like "Is this Kale or Collard Greens?" Pretend you're trying some delicious new recipe. Unless you don't actually cook. Then play the damsel in distress card who needs a handsome vegetable connoisseur to rescue him from culinary disaster. Truly, it doesn't matter, just try something.

It will be hard the first few times, and 90% of the time, you'll strike out, but at least you'll get your confidence up and maybe learn a few things about leafy greens and root vegetables. If you get nervous, just remember that you have all five feet, two inches of von Hottie cheering you on. I already have a crush on you, and they will too.

Love,

von Hottie