dear miss good advice giver, please show me a little love. i have some problems... that is i think i have two of them but maybe they, along with various others, are just symptoms of one i-just-don't-feel-so-great-about-myself esteem issue.
a boy and i fell in "like" after a year of
acquaintance and a week of lovey-doviness. he lives in
another country but is likely moving here this year.
on the chance that he does, we embarked on a
complicated but trusty long-distance dating thing
(skype, phone, text, email... all that stuff to stay
in touch) last month, when he was visitting new york.
things long-distance style have been lovely till
suddenly he was unavailable to talk 2 weeks ago.
working working working, he said, though i find it
hard to believe that one doesn't have time enough in a
day to send a text or a short email... fishy as it
sounds, really, i have a feeling it really just comes
down to a bad flakiness problem, which has
consequently kept little earthquakes happening in my
chest... the self-respecting thing to do is say my
piece (which I have) and... move on?(which I have
not). he appologizes--i can tell he is sorry and is
still very interested in me (as i in him)--but still i
hear nothing from him. i want a relationship where i
am not always the one who leans in for the kiss, you
know? what should i do?
my other prob is about the job. i am a fast bartender
and great with people but have been verbally abused by
bosses, harassed, underpaid/overworked, fired so the
boss could hire a friend, and worked for countless
jobs unpaid who never called me back... all this so i
can have something to eat between classes. i am one
of those A+ kind of students and will one day teach
classes at a community college near YOU! i want school
almost more than sex--okay sometimes i really want
school more. but when i'm scraping by for rent money,
eating only rice, beans, and peanut butter if i score
a few bucks, and spend more time working for people i
can't stand--and in a job that i, in truth, often take
a moral issue with--my life seems impossible. i'd
love to quit these jobs all together and teach music
to some kids for $10/hour, but then i'd have to throw
even more of my study-time away for work-time just so
i can make rent. it seems like tending bar is the best
economical choice--how do i get my heart to be cool
with that? how do i toughen up? and how do i keep my
own cool when i know that at any moment my roof my get
blown away?
thank you very much for reading this.
sincerely,
your heart-sick school-work-boy juggling, tight-rope
walking, warmth-seeking admirer
****************************************
Dear Heartsick,
Regarding situation #1, you need to be kind to yourself. Long distance is tricky, especially when it's present at the beginning of a relationship. I would put your best good faith efforts into keeping up the communication, but remember that everything might not be perfect when he moves, so don't pile on heaps of expectations and fantasies for his arrival. It's better to take things as they come with the faith that they will work out, but the knowledge that if they don't, you will be OK. Furthermore, if he was flaky and it hurt your feelings, you need to tell him how it made you feel and what you need from him. You're right that a text is not a huge time commitment. It takes two to Skype, mister, so log on or free up the wi-fi for the rest of us!
Regarding your employment, everyone has issues with their place of employ, but no one should be outright miserable. You need to finish school AND you need to eat, so stick with bartending because it will allow you to accomplish both. But if they're treating you badly, find another bar. It's New York! There are two on every block! Also, where are you working that's making you morally queasy?!! That's unnecessary. Stop. Start bartending with caterers if the bars themselves are too sketchy. Life will give you what you demand of it, so start speaking up, sister!
P.s. If you'd really rather teach music, be a private tutor & you can charge way more than $10/hour. Just saying.
Love, von Hottie
